shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You are a genius and a whore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
