Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
