I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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