the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
