Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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