I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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