just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
