oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
