We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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