Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize