Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
