White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I bet he comes in French.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
