Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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