In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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