i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
