if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
where does the pee come out of this thing
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
