i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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