So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
