So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
