I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
