just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
