and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize