; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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