Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
