I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Of course I have a pirate flag
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
