im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
