if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
