dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
