i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
