Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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