its not stalking. its research.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
