do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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