sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize