omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
