I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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