I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
