i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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