I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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