last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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