My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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