Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize