they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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