Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
