He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
