Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
