Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
