the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
