Cold hands, warm shart.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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