do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize