are you still at the devil's house?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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