dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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