you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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