I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
