chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
