White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
