Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
