cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
