His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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