he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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