Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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