No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
