i permit you to call me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
