I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
