I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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