Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize