Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
is it fun? or sober?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
