I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
