areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
organizing the empties. That sober.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
