Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
