She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She bit a glass in half.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
