i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
