i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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