She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
