this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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