the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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