Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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