No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
