i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
