Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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