peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
