Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
