1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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