i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
