he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize