dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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