I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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