Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
