Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
