Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
