Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
