She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
