I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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