So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
