Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
