PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize