I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
