My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
