my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Congratulations! We have a period
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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