How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
