I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
