Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
