Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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