We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
