i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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