I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
