I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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