my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
