true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
